Victoriia, a 39-year-old woman from Kyiv, is a qualified psychologist by education, but even her professional skills couldn't protect her from an abusive relationship. She lived with a man with controlling tendencies for nine years. Mykyta forbade her from talking to her friends, and every phone call to her mother led to a scandal. Yet, when their relationship started, there were no signs of trouble.

The couple met by chance through mutual friends. At that time, Mykyta was married, but he took Victoriia’s phone number, supposedly under the pretense of establishing a professional connection. Years later, he reached out to her with an offer to volunteer at a children’s camp. Their romantic relationship grew from this shared experience of doing good.

"I didn't see any aggression in him back then. He was so caring and attentive. I couldn’t have imagined that he would eventually become openly rude", says the survivor. 

Things started to change with the birth of their first child. Mykyta gradually increased his control. At first, it was minor things—comments about how she arranged her shoes or handled household tasks. But over time, the control worsened. Mykyta started dictating who she could talk to and how much.

“I couldn't call my mom freely. He decided five minutes on the phone was sufficient, and if he was home, I should be spending time with him. Even when I was with a friend, he'd call every half hour to check on me, even though he knew exactly where I was,” Victoriia says.

Her efforts to understand his behavior and compromise failed. According to her, it was impossible to reason with Mykyta, who turned every minor issue into a major conflict. The situation escalated into manipulation and threats of divorce.

Financially, she couldn’t rely on him either. Despite having a stable job and a good income, the burden of household expenses and caring for their child fell entirely on Victoriia. During the pregnancy with their second child, the husband only increased his control and even restricted his wife’s access to food. To cover all her basic needs, Victoriia had to work three jobs. But even there, the control did not stop.

“For a while, I worked as a caregiver for elderly people, and he was extremely jealous. He would call my clients to check if I was really at work or had already left,” she said.

Weekends were particularly difficult – as her husband was almost always at home, the likelihood of arguments increased. They would even fight over how to spend time with their children. Mykyta believed the kids shouldn't do schoolwork on weekends, while for Victoriia, their development was always a priority.

Over time, Mykyta’s aggression extended to the children, especially Victoriia's eldest daughter from a previous marriage, who often stepped in to defend her mother.

“For example, he would grab a child by the shoulders or the back of their clothing. Once, he almost hit me, but I stopped him and warned him that there would be serious consequences. Emotionally, he kept wearing me down, to the point where I didn’t even want to come home,” Victoriia recounts.

Since they lived in an apartment owned by Mykyta’s parents, he often told Victoriia that she had no rights there. In moments of anger, he would even force her and the children out of the house at night. After arguments, he never apologized but would instead try to reconcile by pressuring her into sex.

“He would drive me crazy and then start talking about ‘marital duty’ as a way to make peace. I couldn’t understand how he could talk about sex after all that. My refusals only made him angrier,” says Victoriia.

Over time, over time, she became more resilient to Mykyta's manipulation and harassment. Instead, he looked for other ways to hurt his lover, including acts of violence.

"When he couldn't reach me, he went after the dog. The dog reacted naturally and he began choking it to provoke me. All in front of the children," the survivor said.

The constant stress led Victoriia to develop diabetes. She wanted to leave but Mykyta consistently refused to discuss divorce. When the full-scale war began, Victoria and her children fled to Ireland. She hoped that the distance might make Mykyta reconsider his behavior, but she also prepared for the worst by saving money.

After returning to Ukraine, she quietly made a down payment on a house in the Khmelnytskyi region and moved with her children to Starokostiantyniv without informing Mykyta. Life started to improve—the children attended school, and Victoriia found work. However, six months later, she had to return to Kyiv due to her father’s sudden death.

Mykyta took advantage of his beloved's vulnerability and pushed for reconciliation. It didn't last long - Victoriia couldn't stand the scandals and decided to leave for good a week later. 

“While we were in a taxi, my son asked to stop to pee and then ran away to his father. My younger daughter warned me that my husband was manipulating the children against me, but I couldn’t believe it,” she says.

After requesting police assistance to find her son, the woman and her daughters went to Starokonstiantyniv. She immediately contacted the city’s crisis center, and the family was placed in a crisis room for safety reasons. Mykyta continued to search for them.

“The first psychological help was provided that day, as Victoriia was very anxious, scared, and worried about her son. We also contacted child protection services, as the children had been subjected to psychological and physical violence,” says Lyubov, a specialist at the center. 

After a crisis intervention and a medical examination, Victoriia was referred to free legal aid, whose lawyers accompanied her throughout the divorce proceedings. The woman's 8-year-old son stayed with his father. According to Victoriia, is behavior has significantly deteriorated since then.

“When they visited recently, my son was very aggressive. I understand that he’s just living in a difficult environment. It couldn’t be any different given the circumstances. His father has turned him completely against me,” says Victoriia.

Nevertheless, she will not give up and will continue to keep in touch with her son. Victoriia hopes that in time, he will come to understand the situation. For now, she is focused on creating a comfortable life for herself and her daughters in their new city. She emphasizes that the support she received was crucial and has doubts that she could have overcome all this alone.

“It would have been very hard without support. I was scared, alone with my children. Working with a psychologist has helped me greatly—I’ve become more resilient and can stand up to my ex. He knows there’s no chance of reconciliation,” Victoriia says.

The work of the crisis room in Starokonstantyniv is made possible by the ‘Cities and Communities Free from Domestic Violence’ project. The project is being implemented in cooperation with the Ministry of Social Policy of Ukraine, with the support of the governments of Canada and the United Kingdom as part of the UNFPA program on preventing and counteracting gender-based violence.