Myth 7: Delivery with the partner have a negative effect on men

19 November 2019

How does delivery with the partner affect men? Will a husband still desire his wife if he sees the birth process? These and other myths related to the delivery with the partner are discussed with gynecologist-endocrinologist, doctor Nataliia Silina.

In fact, you are scared of the unknown and it negatively affects you. But let's figure it out step by step, because the topic covers a number of facts that you need to know about the modern couple expecting a baby.

The decision “to give birth together” is bound to affect a man negatively if this decision is made unilaterally without first being discussed and explained in detail. Knowledge of our physiology is our power.

Chinese researchers conducted a study and found a close link between the emotional state of a pregnant woman and the subsequent complications during childbirth and postpartum period. Pregnant women with chronic stress were more likely to experience premature placental abruption, and preeclampsia (increase in arterial blood pressure) and gestational diabetes were more commonly diagnosed in those who either had no partner or were deprived of support during pregnancy. Therefore, the emotional involvement of the partner during the pregnancy of his wife is important; this is about an emotional participation, not just the fact of presence.

When communicating with psychologists, men expressed a fear of "seeing something" that in the future will cut the sexual attraction to the woman forever. To be honest, this is our fault too. After all, most of us still blush when hearing the words “vulva” and “menstruation”, some men and women do not know how the body works and the reproductive system operates as a whole. In this case, it is impossible to expect that the attitude towards blood, labors and other physiological processes will be calm. This is another strong argument in favor of a quality sexual education on a national scale.

So, the following will help prevent the negative impact of delivery with the partner on a man:

Awareness. During childbirth, a woman can only be accompanied by a person who has received a prenatal training, who has communicated with a doctor or midwife and knows his role in the delivery room. Medical staff have long been trained to perform such childbirths, as it is a worldwide practice, and always tries to coordinate everything so that the husband and the pregnant woman feel safe, but it is impossible to avoid complications during childbirth; therefore, a man should take courses for couples expecting a baby (link to my guide) so as not to panic but to help in the event of complications.

Actual relations within a couple. Psychologists point out that childbirth is a powerful marker of the relationship between a woman and a man. If a couple faces family problems or crisis points, the man’s presence during childbirth can aggravate the situation, cause new relapses, and, after birth, not only result in a disgust to the woman, but also distance him from the baby. The woman responds to this by devoting herself fully to the baby, and the gap in the relationship only grows…

Informed consent. When a woman going into labor enters the hospital's emergency room, she has to give written consent to certain medical interventions. In this situation, a man who has taken prenatal courses will help with the paperwork and reassure a woman that she is in a safe space.

Invitation. Exactly, my dear ladies. You have to invite him and explain why his participation will be the most supportive of all, but nothing more. To invite, to give time for reflection. And calmly accept a refusal if your husband is not ready for it.

And, most importantly, it is your personal desire. Not all women are ready to have their husbands present during the childbirth. And this is not a reason to believe that something is wrong with your relationship. I clearly remember the response of a passionate physiologist, Michel Odent, to the question about inviting a man to childbirth. Michel Odent said: Have you ever seen a female animal invite a male animal to her childbirth in the wild?

A man's understanding that he is accompanying his beloved woman during childbirth in order to help her go through this experience, to serve her, but not to control the doctors.

A safe space and the presence of people she trusts are important for a woman during childbirth.

I invite you to participate in the discussion and share your experience of partner-coaching childbirth. It is especially interesting to hear the experiences of men who have gone through this.

Conclusion: If a Man is ready for paternity, he will endure the process of childbirth!